Broken pieces
by Chrjoyed
Summary: A slightly AU Chryed story. When Syed and his boyfriend Daniel move to Walford, relationships are broken and someone wants revenge...
1. Chapter 1

**Broken pieces**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Christian and Syed. EastEnders and the BBC do. I am just renting them.**

**Chapter 1**

"Isn't it exciting?" Daniel enthused as he showed Syed a photograph of the new flat. "I can't believe this is actually happening"

"No, me neither", Syed muttered incomprehensibly, looking blankly at the television programme he was pretending to watch.

"Sorry, what was that, babe?" Daniel asked, barely glancing at Syed, for he was too enamoured with the photographs of the new flat they had just brought together.

"Doesn't matter", Syed replied quietly.

"Well, okay. Anyway, I'm late for work, so I'm going to have to love you", he said, leaning down to give Syed a peck on the cheek, "and leave you", he continued brightly, getting up off the sofa and grabbing his coat from the back of the chair. "Don't forget we're going to meet our new neighbours tonight"

"Yeah, course". Syed had forgotten they were going out tonight. He was dreading it. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to spend the evening in a noisy and crowded bar with people he barely knew.

"Bye babe", Daniel shouted as he walked out the flat door.

"Yeah, bye"

Syed was sad. He should feel happy. He was moving into a new, two-bedroom flat with his boyfriend. He should be happy. But he wasn't. He and Daniel had been together for just over a year. Deep down, it felt too soon, but Daniel had convinced him it was the right thing to do and Syed had pushed his nagging doubts to the back of his mind. They loved each other and they wanted to make a new home for themselves, away from the confines of their old life, with noisy neighbours and interfering parents. Syed's parents disapproved of him and Daniel and made it quite clear, every time they saw them, that they would never accept the relationship. Moving away seemed the only solution, so when Daniel suggested it, Syed had agreed, and the couple spent weeks searching for a suitable flat to buy. Finally, they found one they liked and had signed on the dotted line. It didn't come cheap but with Syed's earnings from his own massage business and Daniels's wage as a bar manager, they had just enough. The time had nearly come to move in. But it almost never did.

It was lust at first sight for Daniel when he first saw Syed, that night, 16-months ago, on a cold December evening. He was working and Syed had walked into the bar with a few other men. All the others looked fairly ordinary and Daniel had dismissed them immediately. All except Syed. With his flowing hair, stubble and big brown eyes, Daniel was instantly hooked on this vision of beauty that was nervously walking towards him. He had introduced himself, and although they had chatted for a few minutes, Syed had moved away to sit with his friends and had ignored Daniel for the rest of the night. Not one to turn down a challenge - and Syed was a beautiful challenge – Daniel pursued him and eventually, after much cajoling from him and Syed's friends, he had persuaded Syed to go out on a date with him the following night. One date soon turned into more, and eventually, to Daniel's glee, they finally slept together. Syed was always cautious about the relationship, wanting to take things slowly, but Daniel was besotted and vowed to his disbelieving parents that him and Syed were for keeps.

To their friends, they seemed the perfect couple.

XXXX

_Three weeks ago…_

"_Babe, please? You know you want to really"_

"_I'm tired. You're drunk. Go to bed", Syed groaned, turning away from Daniel and pulling the duvet back over his body._

"_Come on Sy…" Daniel whined, dragging the duvet off the bed and climbing on top of Syed's now-cold body. Sloppily kissing his neck, he started to pull down Syed's boxer shorts, his hands fumbling with the waistband._

"_No", Syed protested, trying to wriggle out from underneath him. But Daniel was stronger, and drunk and possessed, he was almost impossible to push off._

"_Look, you don't have to do anything, just let me do my thing", Daniel whispered, drunkenly trying to pull off his own jeans._

"_I said no, alright. Stop it!" Syed shouted, forcefully pushing Daniel off balance and jumping out of the double bed they shared. Daniel stared at him in disbelief, neither of them able to register what had just happened. Daniel slumped against the wardrobe door, drunk and morose, for the rest of the night, as Syed silently slipped past him and spend a sleepless night on the sofa._

_The next morning Daniel cried and apologised over and over to Syed. He promised he would never do it again…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"You look beautiful, babe. Come here", Daniel whispered, pulling Syed close. Syed shifted uncomfortably in his arms, but didn't resist.

"Thanks", Syed replied quietly, carefully extracting himself from Daniel's grasp. It was half past six and they were about to leave to catch the tube to Walford. They were meeting their new neighbours. They had become friendly during the few visits Syed and Daniel had made to see the flat, and one of them had eventually asked them out for drinks one night. Daniel has accepted immediately, eager to settle in Walford with Syed, away from the prying eyes of their parents.

The tube was busy and Syed felt uncomfortable, his body pushed up against another man's. Daniel was sitting in the only seat left available so Syed had been forced to stand. The man smiled at him, and Syed looked away, feeling anxious. His hands feeling clammy, it was a relief when the tube stopped at Walford station and there was a rush to disembark. Daniel grabbed Syed's hand tightly and led him through the crowds to the street outside.

A few minutes later, they were stood outside R 'n' R, named, apparently, after two sisters who lived here, well so their new neighbours had told them anyway.

"Aren't we a bit early? We said we'd meet them at half seven" Syed pointed out, glancing at his watch. He knew Daniel was eager to go inside and socialise but the less time spent in a noisy bar full of drunken idiots the better, as far as Syed was concerned.

"Well let's go for a walk then. Look around our new home", Daniel replied, pulling Syed in the direction of Bridge Street.

A few minutes later and they were standing at the bar of the local pub, The Queen Victoria, waiting to be served.

"Do you just want an orange juice, babe?" Daniel shouted to Syed, who was sitting in the corner of the pub, absentmindedly playing with the beer mat.

"Yeah", Syed replied, carefully observing the other patrons of the pub, remembering that some of them would be his new neighbours.

As Daniel was getting the drinks, Syed noticed a fit looking man sitting at a table over the opposite side of the room. He was sitting with a blonde woman, who was well dressed and seemed to be distracted by her phone. Their conversation looked intense and Syed studied them for a few moments, wondering if they lived nearby. Maybe they would become friends? He didn't have many friends back home. He used to, but they drifted apart after he and Daniel had started going out. At first they would invite them both out for drinks, a night out at a bar or a club. As the weeks and months went by, the invites became less frequent, or they would only invite Syed alone. Feeling awkward, Syed would decline, instead spending the evenings at home with Daniel. A couple of times they went out with his younger brother Tamwar and Afia, his wife, but Syed was always left feeling like they were cramping the young couple's style, and that they would rather be alone, yet were too polite to say.

The fit bloke with the builder's shirt suddenly slammed his glass down and walked out, the blonde woman following, clearly not happy with whatever the man has said. Turning his attention back to his own table, he saw Daniel returning from the bar with their drinks.

"Drink up, Sy. We don't want to be late", Daniel said, placing the two glasses carefully on the beer mats.

Saying nothing, Syed picked up his glass of orange juice and sipped it quietly.

The night air was chilly and Syed began to wish he had added an extra layer of clothing. They walked hurriedly towards R 'n' R. Daniel hated being late for anything. He prided himself on always being punctual. When they got to the club, Daniel pulled open the door and led Syed inside, to the bright lights of the dance floor.

Scanning the room, Daniel spotted their new neighbours. The two men were chatting to the blonde woman behind the bar.

They walked over, carefully negotiating through the writhing bodies on the dance floor.

"You made it", one of the men said on seeing Daniel and Syed walking towards them.

"We did. Finally", Daniel added, nudging Syed in the ribs.

The brown haired man smiled at Syed and he felt a knot in his stomach. He felt his cheeks redden and forced himself to look away.

"Welcome to Walford", the brown haired man said, toasting their new neighbours.

"Thanks Christian", Daniel replied happily.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"_I want you", Syed breathlessly whispered, clutching onto the man's back as he peppered Syed's sensitive neck with kisses._

_Without saying a word, the man moved his hand between Syed's thighs and began expertly stroking him, hastening Syed's release. After a few more powerful thrusts, Syed finally came, calling out the man's name._

"_Christian", he groaned. Syed had never felt like this before. His whole body was on fire._

_He wanted to feel like this forever…_

"Syed"

Syed woke with a start. He felt disorientated and hot, very hot. His hands were clammy and his sweat soaked hair was plastered to his face.

Daniel looked at Syed's questioningly.

"I had a dream", Syed replied quickly.

Daniel smiled. "About me I hope", he asked. It seemed an innocent enough question but Syed noticed the slight edge in his voice.

"Of course", Syed answered, pushing back the duvet and climbing out of bed.

Daniel grinned, turned over and went back to sleep.

XXXX

Syed needed some fresh air. It was June now, and Daniel and Syed were now settled into Walford life. They had become good friends with their neighbours, Christian and James, and had made a few other friends as well. That fit bloke with the builder's shirt that Syed had seen in the pub earlier was called Greg. He _was_ a builder. The blonde woman had been his wife, Tanya. They seemed a nice enough couple, although Syed couldn't help but notice the slight tension between them. Tanya seemed troubled, preoccupied, and distant from her husband. Whatever it was, Syed didn't want to get involved.

Walking through Bridge Street, he spotted Christian and James, arm in arm. They were laughing about something. A joke, maybe? Christian was always telling jokes, he was so funny, Syed thought, remembering a joke he had told him and Daniel the other day. As he watched them together, he felt a mixture of guilt and envy. They looked so happy and in love. He felt so guilty. If they knew about his dreams…

They spotted him before Syed had the chance to walk away.

"Morning Sy" Christian shouted across the street, a smile adorning his face. He had the most gorgeous smile, Syed noticed. Catching himself gazing at Christian, he mentally scolded himself. _What are you doing? Thinking about another man's smile, not just another man, but your friend's boyfriend! What about Daniel, your boyfriend? Get a grip Syed!_

"Lovely day, isn't it?" Christian said, catching up to where Syed was standing.

"Yeah, lovely", Syed responded. He felt awkward. It had only been a dream but he felt terrible just the same. He hadn't just dreamed about Christian, he had dreamed about them making love. If Daniel ever found out…

"I have to go now" Syed turned away and sprinted down the street before the two men could reply.

"What was all that about?" James asked.

Christian shrugged his shoulders. "No idea"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Daniel had left for work by the time Syed had gone home. After running away from Christian and James, Syed had wandered around aimlessly for a few hours. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't care. All he wanted was some time alone.

He liked Christian. He _really_ liked Christian.

As Syed poured himself a glass of orange juice, he noticed a note pined to the noticeboard in the kitchen.

_I'll be home late._

_Daniel xx_

Syed didn't feel unhappy about this piece of news. Settling down on the sofa, he reached for the television remote.

XXXX

Syed woke to the sound of someone knocking at the door. He glanced at his watch and was surprised to see it how late it was. He must have been asleep for hours. He was surprised to see it was Christian.

"Hi Syed, I know it's late and all but I was just wondering, seeing as James has abandoned me for the night, whether you and Daniel fancy coming over for a pizza? I ordered one but it was two for the price of one night, so now I have two huge pizzas all to myself. Eating alone is not so fun, especially when you have pizza and cola. Oh and I might even be able to offer you jelly and ice cream for pudding", he joked. Christian's kind smile was radiating, Syed thought, before quickly berating himself for even noticing it.

"Sure. I'm alone tonight as well. Daniel's working", Syed replied, smiling shyly, and not wanting to sound too eager.

"Dinner for two then"

XXXX

"I'm seriously worried about your taste in men, Sy", Christian snorted, mockingly.

"What? He's cute!" Syed retorted, before descending into uncontrollable giggles. He and Christian had finished eating both pizzas, drank two bottles of cola and were now attacking the ice cream, minus the jelly, with vengeance. To pass the time they were each listing their top ten celebrity crushes. Syed had felt a little embarrassed but soon opened up to Christian and was happily divulging all his secret fantasy crushes. Well _almost_ all of them.

As the last spoonful of ice cream slipped smoothly down Syed's throat, he glanced up to notice Christian watching him.

"What?" he asked a shy half-smile forming on his lips.

"Nothing", Christian replied, not removing his gaze from his dinner companion.

"Tell me", Syed asked again. He felt a little unnerved now.

"I was just wondering why you ran off this morning", Christian replied.

Syed lowered his eyes, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

"I…" he stopped, unable to get the words out. Christian's gaze was so intense he found it hard to get the words out. "I…me and Daniel had an argument. Stupid really, just a silly, couples argument", Syed lied, forcing his eyes to meet Christian's in a pointless act of defiance.

"Oh, right" Christian said slowly, arching his eyebrows slightly.

After a few moments of silence, Christian spoke again. "I've really enjoyed tonight, Syed"

"Me too", Syed confessed. He thought of Daniel and immediately felt a surge of guilt. Daniel would be furious if he knew he was having dinner with another man, alone…

XXXX

_Six months ago..._

"_Sy, I'm home babe!" Daniel shouted from the front door of the flat. He was home after a long and stressful day at work and was keen to spend some time alone with his boyfriend. Daniel strolled casually into the living area, stopping dead when he noticed two empty glasses and a half-empty bottle of cola on the coffee table._

"_SYED!" Daniel shouted, flinging his coat onto the sofa angrily._

"_What? Sorry? I was in the bedroom. You're home", was Syed's garbled reply as he exited the bedroom that they shared._

_He began to walk over to greet his boyfriend, but stopped dead when he noticed the stony look on Daniel's face._

"_Who else was here?" Daniel questioned, pointing to the two glasses and glaring at Syed._

"_Oh, that was just Ian, my friend, you remember him?" Syed replied, cautiously. The minute he said Ian's name, he knew he should have lied and told him Tamwar had been round to visit. _

"_I've told you before Syed, I don't want anyone being here with you when I'm not around, okay?" Daniel spoke, carefully, his voiced laced with repressed jealously and fury. Daniel sat down on the sofa, keeping his gaze on Syed._

"_Okay", Syed replied flatly, "Okay, I'm sorry"_

"_Come here". Daniel grabbed hold of Syed's wrist, pulling him onto the sofa with him. Grasping him tight, he began to stroke Syed's hair. "I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you", Daniel said, tears forming in his eyes, "I think I'd kill myself", he added, continuing to stroke Syed's hair lovingly._

_They spent the rest of the evening cuddling on the sofa, watching a rather unfunny comedy on the television._

XXXX

Syed was still awake by the time Daniel had come home. Syed couldn't sleep. He had been thinking about Christian. He stiffened slightly as he felt Daniel pull back the duvet and slide into bed next to him. Syed feigned sleep and to his relief Daniel was soon snoring loudly. Syed, however, didn't sleep at all that night.

XXXX

The next morning, Syed woke and dressed in silence, barely glancing at his sleeping boyfriend. He felt like he was on autopilot. He didn't know how he felt about Christian, but he knew now that he no longer loved Daniel. Last night had clarified everything in his mind. It wasn't right anymore, and to Syed's sadness, he had finally realised, it had probably never been right at all.

That night he had made the decision. He was going to leave Daniel.

Syed was distractedly eating a piece of toast by the time Daniel surfaced from the bedroom, holding his head and groaning loudly.

"I am never drinking again", he promised, pouring himself a cup of strong black coffee. He drank it quickly, before turning to face Syed, who was sitting at the table, fiddling with the corner of a newspaper anxiously.

"Are you listening to me", Daniel asked when Syed didn't reply.

"Yeah, sorry", Syed mumbled, looking up and giving Daniel a weak smile.

"Sorry I left you alone last night, but it was Steve's birthday party", he paused on noticing the blank look on Syed's face. "One of my best friends at school", Daniel clarified before continuing. "Anyway, it was his birthday. It was a last minute thing"

"Oh, okay", Syed replied, distinctly disinterested. So _he _was allowed to spend time with _his _friends…

Daniel frowned unhappily. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Syed spoke.

"Er, I'm going to do a bit of shopping today. Something for us", he added hastily, hoping to make the idea as tempting as he could to Daniel. "You know, for…" he trailed off, looking away.

"Some alone time", Daniel smirked seemingly happier now his mind was on other, more pleasurable things.

"Yeah", his voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Okay", Daniel approved. "I've got some accounts to do for the bar today so that'll keep me busy. Don't be late though", he whispered as he walked over to Syed, grabbing his hand and placing it on his boxer covered cock. "Don't disappoint me". Syed nodded. Daniel dropped his hand and turned towards the bathroom without another word.

Whilst Daniel was in the shower, Syed slipped out of the flat, crossing the road towards the phone box opposite.

Hurriedly he tipped coins into the coin slot and dialled the number. After a few seconds, a familiar voice answered.

"Tam"


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for the lovely reviews x**

**Chapter 5**

"I need your help, Tam"

"What is it? It's early-"

"Look I haven't got much time. I want to come home", Syed interrupted, "to visit", he added cautiously. He wanted to test the waters first, see how receptive his parents would be to him coming home permanently.

"Syed, I don't know…Mum's still angry…" he trailed off, unsure of the cause for Syed's sudden change of heart. Syed had exchanged angry words with his mother before he and Daniel had left. She had denounced their relationship, labelling her eldest son a perversion. They had not spoken since.

"Tam, I need…I need to come home…just for a bit", Syed confessed. He knew he had to be (almost) honest with Tamwar if his younger brother was to help him.

"Okay, look, Afia's gone to visit her Aunt so you can stay with me tonight. I could do with the company. Mum and dad are like angry bears right now and I'd rather keep out of their way, but if you-"

"Thanks Tam. I've got to go. I'll be there as soon as I can"

Replacing the receiver, Syed left the phone box and walked in the direction of the bus stop.

XXXX

Wary of bumping into either of his parents before he was prepared to deal with them, Syed almost ran the short distance from the bus stop to Tamwar's flat. Ringing the door bell, Syed scanned the surrounding street for anybody he knew. He caught sight of an old neighbour, a friend of his parents, but he was saved when Tamwar opened the door and Syed quickly slipped inside the safety of the flat.

"Syed, what's happened? Have you and Daniel split up?" Tamwar questioned, leading his brother into the kitchen. "Tea?" he offered. Syed shook his head.

"Are you okay? You look awful"

Syed looked up, half-annoyed, half-smiling. He could always relay on his younger brother. "Thanks"

"Sorry, I just meant-"

"I just need some space Tam, some time. Nothing more"

"Okay", Tamwar replied slowly, he didn't want to pry into his brother's love life but he had never seen him in such an anxious state before. "Just stay here for a bit. Relax"

"Thanks Tam"

XXXX

'_Be back as soon as I can'._

Syed slowly typed out the message, deciding to add _'Syed x'_ at the end before sending it. He didn't want to give Daniel any reason to be suspicious, not until he knew where he stood with his parents anyway.

After sending the text message, Syed stuffed the phone into his jeans pocket and left the security of Tamwar's flat. He headed towards the house he grew up in, with his parents and younger siblings. It was just his parent's house now, all three Masood children having cut the apron strings long ago, but it was still home to Syed, even now.

Hesitantly, he knocked on the door and waited for the sound of approaching footsteps.

On opening the door, Syed came face to face with his father.

"Dad"

"Syed"

The tone was unfriendly and Syed could see his father's face noticeably stiffen.

"Can we talk?" Syed asked, hopefully.

"What is the point Syed, your mother and I have said everything that needs to be said. I'm sorry but this is too much for your mother and me. I mean, moving away together? Flaunting what you do-"

"I'm _not_ flaunting anything", Syed replied defiantly. "It's called being in a relationship"

"If you're just going to pick a fight Syed…I'm not in the mood. Your mother is tired. Work is stressful. It's just about all we can do to cope with everything right now. I'm sorry but she doesn't need this right now. She's needs peace and rest, not another argument with you. I'm sorry Syed".

Without looking at his son, Masood shut the door. Feeling his eyes prick with hot, unshed tears, Syed turned away and walked towards the bus stop. He had no home here anymore. His only home was in Walford with Daniel. He was trapped…


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews. I'm afraid poor Syed is in for a tough time…hopefully Superman will save him though ;)**

**Chapter 6**

_I'm trapped. I'm trapped. I'm trapped._

Those words buzzed through his head like an irritating bee as he rode the bus back to Walford. His parents were never going to forgive him, he thought to himself miserably. Without his family, he didn't feel strong enough to leave Daniel and Walford. It had been a foolish idea, he knew that now. He didn't love Daniel anymore, but he couldn't bear to be alone either. He had given up so much for their relationship – his home, his family and his friends – maybe he ought to try again, try harder. After all you have to work at relationships; he knew that from his parents. They had been married for 28 years and not a month went by when raised voices weren't heard in the family home. As the bus reached Walford, the decision was made. He would stay.

Unlocking the door, he was surprised to see the flat empty. Relieved, he curled up on the sofa and hugged his favourite cushion. It was comforting but it wasn't what he really needed. His thoughts shifted to Christian. That would only ever be a fantasy, he knew that, but he couldn't help brooding over the fact that – maybe, subconsciously, Christian's presence in Walford was part of the reason he had decided to stay. If he and Daniel were going to stand a chance of working, he knew he couldn't afford to get distracted by Christian. Christian was just a dream; he and Daniel were the reality.

XXXX

Syed must have dozed off as the slamming of the flat door jolted him awake. He peered over the back of the sofa and saw Daniel in the kitchen, his hands full of Sainsbury's bags. Fixing his mouth into a fake smile, he caught Daniel's attention with a loud cough.

"You back already?" Daniel queried, unpacking the shopping bags hastily.

"Yeah, the shops were mayhem so I decided to come home. Sorry", Syed replied, feigning disappointment that he hadn't been able to buy anything.

"You didn't get what you wanted then?"

This time Syed answered truthfully. "No"

XXXX

It wasn't unexpected but Syed still froze when he felt Daniel's hand on his thigh as they sat on the sofa watching a film.

_Relax, relax, relax, Syed repeated, over and over and over…relax, relax, relax…you can do this Syed, it's okay…no, that night…I can't do this…relax, relax, relax…_

Ignorant of Syed's torment, Daniel started to kiss him, pushing him down on the sofa and climbing on top of him. Every instinct of Syed's was telling him to shout out, say "No", but he felt almost paralysed. With all the strength he had, Syed forced his mind to go blank.

"I think we'd be more comfortable in the bedroom, don't you?" Daniel finally said, pushing himself off Syed and grabbing his hand. Syed stared impassively at him but didn't resist.

"You are gorgeous Syed and you're mine"

XXXX

Shutting the bathroom door, Syed surrendered to his emotions. Slumped on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom, he wept.

They were over…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Over the next week, Syed did all he could to avoid being intimate with Daniel.

"I have a headache"

"I'm tired"

"I have to be up early for work"

It was a temporary solution but one that Syed was all too willing to employ right now. He had to act quickly though as the excuses were starting to wear thin and Daniel was becoming sullen.

"Not now", Syed insisted, as he wriggled free of Daniel's grip for the second time that morning.

"What is the matter with you?" Daniel snapped, angrily getting out of bed.

"Nothing", Syed mumbled, "I'm just tired… I don't feel well"

Daniel's eyes lit up in a flash of fury. "Is there someone else?" he accused. Syed tried to speak but no words would come. "ANSWER ME", he yelled, his face now inches away from Syed's.

"No, I'd never do that!" Syed cried, manoeuvring himself away from Daniel to the relative safety of the other side of the bedroom.

Morose, Daniel lay back down on the bed, gesturing for Syed to join him. Seeing no other option, Syed complied with the request.

"I'm sorry I shouted", Daniel whispered, stroking Syed's hair tenderly. "I shouldn't have done. The thought of you being with someone else…it's too much". His voice was cracked and low, his eyes unblinking.

Syed said nothing but, feeling guilty, he offered him a weak smile in response.

"I love you so much Syed, you know that don't you?" Daniel said, a single tear slipping down his right cheek.

"Yes" Syed replied quietly.

XXXX

Syed was walking home from the bank when he saw Christian in his training gear, running through Bridge Street market. Relieved Christian had not spotted him, Syed half-ran in the direction of the flat. Before he reached the end of the market, he suddenly stopped; turning to witness Christian doing stretches by the café, whilst talking to his sister, Jane. Syed's body ached with desire and he watched as Christian waved goodbye to his sister and started jogging towards him, a friendly smile adorning his handsome face.

"Hey"

"Hey", Syed responded, instantly feeling like a lovesick teenage girl who was speaking to the boy she fancied for the first time.

For a few moments, there was an awkward silence as Christian started jogged on the spot next to him. Finally regaining the use of speech, Syed spoke.

"I just wanted to tell you…seeing as we're friends, neighbours…whatever…er, I'm leaving Walford" he said, keeping his voice low as to keep their conversation as private as he could amid the busy market street.

"Oh", Christian replied, "Have you and Daniel split up then?"

He wasn't sure if it was just his imagination but Syed was sure there was a pleased tone to his voice.

"It's just not working out anymore", Syed replied, keeping the explanation as brief as possible. He didn't want Christian knowing the details. He still cared for Daniel and Christian was a moral man. If he knew Daniel had once tried to force himself on him, he would not hesitate in getting involved. Syed didn't want that.

Syed could see Christian was thinking about what he had just said, but finally he uttered the words that briefly lifted Syed's mood. "I'll miss you Syed. I really loved spending time with you" Christian said, sincerely.

"Thank you", Syed uttered, self-consciously. "I have to go"

"Then go"

XXXX

Sitting at a table in the corner of the pub, Christian sat unhappily, occasionally taking big mouthfuls of cold beer. He had been troubled by his earlier conversation with Syed and the fact that it had bothered him so much. It must be because he was losing a friend. Yes that was definitely the reason, he assured himself.

When James came back to the table with two more bottles of beer, Christian gave him a weak smile as a thank you. James frowned unhappily, and sat down next to Christian.

"Why are you so moody? You were fine earlier" James asked, with a hint of irritation in his voice.

"Syed's leaving", Christian explained gloomily, taking a large gulp of beer.

"Why? Have he and Daniel split up? That's a shame. I always thought they were such a lovely couple", James babbled, unaware of the look on Christian's face.

"Yeah"

The conversation was stopped by the loud smashing of glass and a man rushing out of the pub.

"Who was that?" James asked, as he turned to look at the place where the broken bottle lay shattered on the wooden floor.

"No idea, I didn't see them"

They finished their drinks in near silence.

XXXX

Unlocking the flat door, Syed noticed the blinds in the flat were pulled shut. Struggling to find the light switch, he tripped over the coffee table and landed on the sofa.

"Daniel?" Syed exclaimed, startled. "What are you doing in the dark?" Syed asked as he pulled himself off the sofa and reached over to turn on the table lamp. In the light he could see that Daniel had been crying. He sat down next to him.

"What's happened? Tell me" Syed pleaded, concern gripping his body.

"Syed", Daniel sobbed, burying his head into Syed's chest. "It's my mother. She's dying"


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the lovely reviews.**

**Chapter 8**

"Did you sleep at all?" Syed asked gently, offering Daniel a slice of unbuttered toast. Daniel had not cried since last night, but Syed could see how distressed he was.

"No", Daniel admitted, shaking his head as Syed placed the plate of toast in front of him.

"Please eat something. You'll need your strength so you can be there for your mum", Syed implored, sitting next to him on the sofa.

"I can't. It's all gone. Everything", Daniel replied, tears forming in his eyes.

"What's all gone? She'll fight this, Daniel. She's strong", Syed tried to reassure him, taking a bite out of his own piece of toast.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S ALL GONE!" Daniel screamed, standing up and running into the bedroom. Syed scrambled to his feet to follow, but sat back down when he heard the door slam shut and the click of the lock.

XXXX

A few hours later Daniel reappeared from the bedroom. He sat down next to Syed, who was watching a particularly dull documentary on the television, although 'watching 'was an exaggeration. It was just moving wallpaper, like everything was lately.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you", he apologised, cuddling up to Syed, who didn't shift away.

"It's okay. You're allowed to be upset"

"I'm so scared", Daniel admitted quietly as Syed took his hand in his own.

"I know. I'll support you through this. You won't be alone" Syed comforted him.

Daniel smiled gratefully, acknowledging Syed's words. "All that matters is that you're here with me". "And that my mum gets better", he added, linking his fingers through Syed's.

"I'll be here", Syed promised truthfully.

XXXX

After their talk that morning, Syed noticed that Daniel seemed much happier. Whilst he was preparing the vegetables for dinner, Syed broached the subject of when Daniel was going to visit his mother.

"I'm going to take the day off tomorrow if you want to go and see her", Syed suggested, chopping a large potato and tipping it into the pot of boiling water.

"No, no need. I'll be fine on my own", Daniel replied not taking his eyes away from the television.

"Oh, okay. I just thought…if you wanted someone there with you"

"I'll be fine", he repeated, his attention firmly fixed on the action film he was watching.

Hurt, Syed continued with the dinner preparation in silence.

XXXX

The next day Syed woke to find Daniel sitting on the sofa eating cereal and watching an old comedy on the television. He stopped laughing when he noticed Syed.

"It helps me feel better", he explained quickly, switching it off.

"Good", Syed replied. Daniel swung his legs down onto the floor so Syed could sit next to him.

"When are you leaving for the hospital?"

"Soon"

"Are you sure you don't-"

"No, Sy" Daniel interrupted. "She won't want anyone other than family there at the moment"

"Okay. Call me when you get there though. I'll just worry otherwise"

"You are so cute when you are all concerned", Daniel grinned, giving Syed a kiss on the cheek.

XXXX

Waving goodbye to Daniel as he left for the hospital, Syed heard raised voices coming from the flat next door. The door flung open and Syed could see the back of Christian's head. They were in the hallway, obviously having an argument. Syed was surprised as he had never heard James and Christian argue in the time he had known them.

"I'm tired of your moods all the time, Christian", James was shouting furiously. Syed hung back so they couldn't see him.

"And I'm tired of you being in my face all the damn time!" Christian retorted angrily. "I need some space"

"You want to split up, is that it?" James demanded. Syed couldn't see Christian's face but Syed half-hoped Christian would confirm this.

"No" Christian answered flatly, his voice much lower so that Syed had to strain to listen. "I'm late for work. I'll see you later"

Syed slipped back inside the flat before Christian could see him.

XXXX

"Syed, Syed, if you're not careful, you're going to-", Adele warned him, seconds before the small bottle left Syed's fingers, the shiny fragranced liquid soaking the floor where it had smashed. "-drop it", she sighed, picking up a nearby cloth and crouching down to mop up the spill. "You've been distracted all day, what's up?" Adele asked, straightening up and flinging the soggy cloth into the nearest waste bin. "You keep checking that phone of yours all the time, and quite frankly, I could have a better conversation with my dead Nan than I could with you right now"

"Oh, sorry", Syed apologised. "I'm just preoccupied. My boyfriend's had some bad news"

"Nothing too bad I hope", Adele said, placing her hand sympathetically on Syed's shoulder.

Syed was grateful for the friendly contact. Adele had been his employee at the massage business for the past few months. Friendly and unendingly positive, Syed felt he could do with talking to a friend. He would have liked to have talked to Christian, but his growing feelings for him had begun to make Syed feel self-conscious around him and besides, from what he had witnessed this morning, Christian had his own problems.

"Hug", Adele offered, holding her arms open. "Unless you think that crosses the employer/employee line?"

XXXX

It was dark by the time Syed returned home from work. It had been a busy day and he was worried as he hadn't heard from Daniel all day. He opened the door and was surprised to see him in the kitchen, fiddling with the controls on the oven.

He looked over at Syed. "This oven is useless. I'm trying to heat this up", he explained, holding up a ready- meal for two.

"How was your mum? I've been worried" Syed asked, dumping his coat onto the back of the chair. "You didn't call. I checked my phone so many times. Adele was ready to punch me in the face; I was annoying her that much"

"Oh, sorry, babe", Daniel replied, distractedly trying to extract the film top from the plastic tray. "Why do they always make these things so damn impossible to peel off in one piece? Do I look like I want to spend ages _cutting_ it with scissors?" he moaned frustratingly.

"I'll do it", Syed offered.

"Thanks, babe"

Daniel flung himself down onto the sofa whilst Syed finished preparing the dinner. After placing the ready-meal in the oven and setting the timer, he joined Daniel on the sofa.

"So", Syed probed gently, "How was your mum?"

"As you would expect", Daniel answered, staring intently at the blank television screen.

"Oh, is that good or bad?"

"She's got cancer, Syed. What do you think?" Daniel snapped irritably.

"I'm sorry", Syed mumbled quietly.

"I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask me any more questions"

"Okay"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

When Syed woke up he really wished he hadn't. He'd been dreaming that he had been saved from a burning house by a superhero. He curled up in the bed and tried to go back to sleep.

"I was beginning to think you were never going to wake up", Daniel whispered, his face inches from Syed's ear. Snapping his eyes open, he saw Daniel watching him intensely with blue emotionless eyes. Unnerved, he pulled himself out of bed, and walked to the bathroom. Closing the door as silently as he could, Syed leaned against the wooden frame. He was feeling so tired lately. The atmosphere in the flat had been tense for days, and it had not improved when they went to bed. Discouraged by Daniel's lack of communication, every night Syed would coolly shrug away his unwelcome advances before falling into a restless sleep.

Removing his blue and white stripped pyjama bottoms, he switched on the shower and stepped inside, the hot water momentarily easing his anxious mind. Everything that had happened to him lately had left him feeling like a different person, anxious and unsure of himself.

When he came out of the bathroom, a towel tightly wrapped around his slim waist, he saw Daniel sitting on the sofa holding a small, neatly wrapped box between his slender fingers. Syed watched him suspiciously as he got up off the sofa and moved towards him.

"I brought you this", he smiled uneasily, giving Syed the box. Puzzled, Syed took it in his hand, looking at Daniel questioningly.

"It's not my birthday", he finally says, confused. "I'm mean, thank you. But why?" he quickly adds, not wanting to sound ungrateful.

"I wanted to say I love you and that I'm sorry", he explained, wrapping his arms around Syed and embracing him in an uncomfortable hug.

Syed pushed him away gently, his heart and mind not quite ready to forgive and forget.

"Open it then", Daniel instructed, a half-smile tugging his thin lips.

Syed carefully unwrapped the packaging. Inside the box was a silver watch, with a brown leather strap. Syed carefully took it out of the box, and held it up.

"It's beautiful, Daniel. Thank you", Syed uttered shyly, his voice cracked with emotion. "It must have been expensive"

"You're worth it", Daniel replied smoothly. "Look, there's an inscription on the back", he pointed out, indicating for Syed to turn the watch over.

_You and I forever, love Daniel_

Syed felt unease in the pit of his stomach but he pushed it away. It was the nicest present anyone had ever brought him.

"Thank you", he said, giving Daniel a kiss on the cheek. Looking down to fasten the watch around his wrist, he failed to notice the gleam of triumph in Daniel's eyes.

XXXX

The day was bright and sunny, reflecting Syed's improved mood. Work was busy and Adele was delighted that, for once, she didn't have a boss that walked around with a face like Eeyore.

As the day ended, Syed set the alarm, locked up and started to walk home. The streets were busy with weary shoppers heading home for the evening, excited groups of friends going out for the night and loved up couples making their way to a romantic restaurant. As he walked along, Syed mused to himself about taking Daniel out for a meal at the new Indian restaurant. The food was supposed to be fantastic and quite reasonably priced and, he reasoned, it might help them reconnect emotionally. Although he didn't love Daniel anymore, he cared about him and he had chosen this life. It wasn't fair to hold back just because _his_ feelings had changed, not if he wasn't prepared to be honest.

It was on his way back to the flat that he saw him, leaning up against the wall outside the café, wearing a close-fitting black shirt and jeans. Syed's breath hitched in his throat and he hung back to watch him. He was disappointed when he saw James appear from the café door, holding two takeaway cups, full of what Syed presumed to be coffee. He watched them intently, selfishly hopeful of hearing raised voices, furious words being exchanged, and one of them storming off. He felt shamefully disappointed when he saw no discernable signs of a couple on the verge of splitting up.

Lost in his furtive longing, he was too late to react when Christian turned and looked straight at him. Rooted to the spot where he stood, he offered Christian a weak smile, which to Syed's relief, he returned. He motioned to James to stay where he was and walked towards Syed.

"I haven't seen you around for a few days". There was a casual tone to his voice, but Syed was sure he sensed something more, disappointment, maybe even hurt? Who was I kidding, Syed realised dejectedly. He is happy with James, he doesn't want me. Even if I told him how I felt, he still wouldn't want me. I'm nothing compared to James. I'm an emotional mess. The words cut through his mind like sharp metal.

"No", Syed confessed, consciously avoiding Christian's eye. "I've been busy"

"Oh. I thought you had already left" Christian replied, surprised.

"No, I changed my mind…" he trailed off, feeling uncomfortable.

"So…you're staying?" Christian questioned, his voice hitching slightly. In the darkness, Christian's green eyes sparkled intensely.

"Yeah", Syed confirmed, looking at James over Christian's shoulder. He was watching them with a puzzled and suspicious look on his usually friendly features.

"Good", Christian emphasized, "This is your home now too". A beautiful smile adorned his lips before he turned and walked back towards James, indicating to Syed to follow him.

"Sorry about that", Christian apologised. "It was about business", he clarified. James eyed him uncertainly but seemed to accept his explanation.

Feeling awkward, Syed offered him a small, apologetic smile, which he acknowledged with a nod of the head.

"I was wondering whether you and Daniel would like to come over for dinner tomorrow" Christian asked.

James pulled a face and tried to attract Christian's attention but he ignored him and looked directly at Syed, the grassy-green eyes connecting with the earthy-brown eyes in the cool night air.

"I'll have to ask Daniel first, but okay", Syed accepted hesitantly. A night with friends might be just want they needed, he thought apprehensively.

XXXX

Daniel was on the phone when Syed entered the flat. Quickly disconnecting the call, he resumed his sitting position on the sofa.

"My dad", he explained quickly when Syed looked at him, confused. "Just giving me an update on mum", he added, his voice low.

"How is she?" Syed asked, concerned. Daniel shrugged but stayed silent. Syed knew not to press him any further so he refrained from asking anymore questions. Instead, he sat on the sofa next to him, playing with the corner of a cushion as a means of distraction.

"I bumped into Christian and James on the way home. They've invited us for dinner tomorrow", Syed told him eventually, neglecting to mention the fact that it had actually been Christian_ alone_ that had invited them. From experience, Syed knew that Daniel was extremely jealous, and would cut even good friends out of his life if he thought they had more than friendly intentions towards Syed. In his mind, another couple asking them out for dinner would be less of a threat to Daniel than another _man_ asking.

"That sounds nice", Daniel replied, calmly.

"I said we'd go, but if you don't want to-", Syed babbled, trying to gauge Daniel's mood.

"No, I want to", Daniel interrupted, firmly. "I'm going to visit my mum in the morning so I could do with cheering up after that. You'll wear your watch tomorrow, won't you?" he simpered, taking Syed's hand and lightly touching the leather strap where the inscription lay.

"Of course", Syed confirmed before he felt himself being pushed down onto the sofa, Daniel's lips on his own.

**Reviews would be lovely. Thank you :-) x**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the lovely reviews**

**Chapter 10**

To the outside world, with his brown hair and blue eyes, Daniel was the epitome of the 'tall, dark and handsome' man. To Syed, he was the man who had once drunkenly tried to force him to have sex. No matter how much Syed sought to fix it, their relationship still lay smashed on the floor, like a bottle that had slipped from his grasp in a moment's distraction. Trying to pick up the broken pieces only inflicted deep wounds. Every time Daniel touched him and tried to initiate intimacy, his emotional state of fear would leave him mentally paralysed. To Syed, making love was the most powerful and intimate act two people could ever experience together, not a chore that left you feeling uncomfortable and emotionally empty. No matter how much he wanted to pretend to be happy, or how much he wanted to desire Daniel, he couldn't ignore the truth. They hadn't had sex for weeks.

Spending an uncomfortable night on the sofa, Syed had never been more thankful to receive a phone call than he was last night. It has been Tamwar, fretting about their parent's marriage. Naked, except for his underwear, Daniel had sworn loudly, but had no choice but to allow Syed to take the call. It had been 2am by the time Syed had fallen asleep on the sofa, the phone still in his hand. He had been woken at 8am by a sullen Daniel, who had appeared from the bedroom and mumbled an inaudible acknowledgement to a sleepy Syed. Rubbing his arm, which had become numb from being slept on all night, Syed mused about what sort of day it would be. Suppressing a yawn, Syed apprehensively walked into the kitchen, intending to make peace.

"Hey", Syed offered casually, pouring himself a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

Without turning round, Daniel grunted a reply, which sounded like "Hello", and began to butter a piece of toast. They ate breakfast in an uncomfortable silence, deliberately ignoring the elephant in the room.

XXXX

From the window in the bedroom, Syed watched the hustle and bustle of the local street market, everyone getting on with their lives as if on a continuous escalator, going up and down, but never, ever, stopping. A blonde woman he recognised as Christian's best friend, Roxy, came into view. She was arguing with her cousin, Phil, a man who spent his life imitating a bad-tempered grizzly bear. Syed had never spoken more than a few words to Roxy in the time he had lived in Walford. He felt awkward in her presence. They were complete opposites. He was shy, reserved and a non-drinker; she was loud, extroverted and drank like a fish. Syed's musings turned to Christian and he pondered whether the same would hold true for them. Christian and Roxy were best friends after all, so they must have lots in common, he concluded. Were he and Christian as incompatible as he and Roxy? Experience told him they weren't, but that was as friends, not lovers. With friends you say goodbye to them at the end of the evening, with lovers, they come home with you.

He watched as Roxy stormed off out of view, after obviously shouting a few choice obscenities at the bad-tempered grizzly bear. He was just about to move away from the window when he saw him, walking towards his flat next door. Screwing up his face, he noticed that he wasn't alone. Unable to pull himself away, he watched as Christian chatted animatedly to a blond-haired man that Syed didn't recognise, but immediately disliked. Shifting slightly to get a better view, Syed witnessed the blonde-haired man touch Christian slightly on the arm. He may have imagined it but Syed was sure the man's hand lingered far longer than strictly necessary. After a few minutes they disappeared from sight and the slam of the door below him signalled that they had entered Christian's flat.

XXXX

Acknowledging Daniel's grunted goodbye as he left for the hospital, Syed flopped down onto the sofa, absentmindedly flicking through the television channels. He always reckoned you lost one brain cell for every minute you watched daytime television, but for once, Syed welcomed the mind-numbing boredom of loud-mouthed women telling their boyfriend's they were pregnant with his brother's baby.

Who was that man Christian was talking to, Syed brooded to himself, as he watched Jeremy Kyle giving a teenage boy a lecture about "putting something on the end of it". It was probably a client, he supposed. Yes, that was it, he reckoned. The blonde-haired man was a client, who Christian was taking into his flat to retrieve some important workout information. Feeling slightly relieved at his conclusion, he smiled wryly at how ridiculous he sounded. Christian was hardly likely to invite his fancy man back to the flat he and James shared, and even if he did have a fancy man, it should be of no-concern to him. They were only friends after all.

Fed up of being preoccupied with Christian and the potential blonde-haired fancy man, Syed decided he would leave the flat and do some shopping before dinner tonight with…_Christian_, he sighed, rolling his eyes.

XXXX

As Syed browsed through the railing of casual shirts in the department store, he couldn't help but notice a black haired man, eying him intensely from several metres away. Shuffling slightly to get a better view, Syed recognised him as a man from the local Mosque. He had seen him a few times, nervously hovering around the entrance to the Mosque, but they had never spoken, and the man had remained nameless.

Feeling awkward and uncomfortable, Syed turned and offered the man a friendly half-smile, which he gratefully returned.

Feeling that the direct approach would be best, Syed confronted the man. "I don't mean to be rude, but why are you staring at me?"

The man hesitated for a few seconds before answering in a low, barely audible voice. "I'm sorry, it's just…I've seen you at Mosque a few times…you're Syed, aren't you?"

Syed nodded, but didn't move from where he was standing.

"I know…I know…" he trailed off as he spotted a woman, who Syed guessed was in her late 50's, round the corner and come into view. "Sorry", he mumbled, before rushing off in the other direction.

Puzzled, Syed half-ran after him, watching as he sprinted out of the department store and onto the high street.

With purchases in hand (a pair of jeans and two shirts), Syed left the store, hoping he would see the nameless man again. He seemed to be on the verge of saying something to him, before he was scared into silence by the appearance of the woman. He made a mental note to look out for him next time he went to the Mosque.

XXXX

Looking at himself in the mirror for the fifth time that afternoon, Syed pulled a face. He wanted this look to say "well-dressed but not too much". Smart casual was what he wanted to achieve. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to flatten it, beginning to regret not making an appointment to get it cut that morning. Hearing a noise from outside, Syed hurriedly opened the bathroom door and walked out.

"Hey", he greeted Daniel as he saw him standing by the window in the bedroom. "Um, sorry about that", he muttered embarrassed, noticing Daniel's eyes were being drawn to the pile of clothes on the bed. "I was just sorting things out"

"How was your mum?" Syed asked, putting the clothes on hangers, and placing them back into the wardrobe.

Daniel shrugged, turning his back towards Syed and staring blankly out of the window. Wanting to scream with frustration, Syed's body tensed. Deciding to walk away, he made a move to leave to bedroom.

"I don't deserve you, do I?" Daniel uttered, his voice broken.

Stopping where he was standing, Syed kept quiet, not knowing what to say.

"I keep messing up". Turning to look directly at him, Syed noticed how helpless he looked, like he knew there was something wrong between them but he couldn't admit what it was. "Everything has gone wrong. I need-"

"Is it your mum? What's happened?" Syed interrupted, hurriedly moving towards him, worry etched on his beautiful features.

Daniel hesitated, observing the concerned look on Syed's face. "She's getting worse" he stated carefully, not quite meeting Syed's eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for the reviews**

**Chapter 11**

Christian struggled with the shopping bags in his hands. He had foolishly decided to walk to the supermarket instead of the Minute Mart and he was now very much regretting it. It was raining heavily, his feet were sore and he had been so distracted that he hadn't noticed the car driving through a big puddle until it was too late. He arrived home two hours later, soaking wet and in a filthy mood.

"Did you go swimming?" James quipped with a sarcastic smile, buzzing around him like an irksome fly as he began to put the shopping away. Christian responded with a dirty look and flopped down onto the sofa, flicking through the television channels absentmindedly. He had been preoccupied a lot lately. The guilt twisted his stomach slightly but he half-hoped James would go out this afternoon and give him some time alone. He tried to concentrate on the television programme in front of him. There was an item on the lunchtime news about Muslims in Britain. Syed is a Muslim, he remembered. Frowning faintly, he switched the channel. An advert for men's hair products. Syed has hair. He switched the channel again. An episode of _Friends_. Syed is a friend. He switched the channel. An advert for _Silentnight Beds_. Syed in his bed. He quickly turned the television off and screwed up his eyes tightly. This wasn't good. In need of a distraction, he spent the rest of the afternoon half-heartedly listening to James complaining about the particularly rude customer he had dealt with at work that morning.

XXXX

They sat in silence, Syed tracing gentle, comforting circles on Daniel's back. He felt rather awkward but he had decided that it was the least he could do for him in the circumstances. After all, if it had been his mother…they still hadn't spoken…if anything happened to her…no, he mustn't think about it…but what if?

"What did the doctor say?" Syed asked sympathetically, pulling his thoughts back to Daniel. He reached for a glass of water and took a mouthful of the cool, refreshing liquid.

"They told us she might only have a few months to live", Daniel replied, his voice cracking slightly as he felt Syed take his hand and hold it tenderly in his own.

"I'm so sorry", Syed whispered, interlinking their fingers together. He had only met Mrs Reid, Daniel's mother, a few times, but she had never been anything other than kind and hospitable to him. The first time he met her, she had seemed particularly pleased that Daniel had met "such a lovely young man". Syed's mother, on the other hand, had shown no such cordiality when he had first introduced Daniel to her. She had treated all of his boyfriends like they were something particularly unpleasant and offensive, but her behaviour towards Daniel had been intolerable.

_Zainab Masood_, his mother. He needed her so much - to talk to her, and to have her hold him in her arms and reassure him that everything would be okay. He wanted his mother. He missed her, he missed all of them. He still spoke to Tamwar occasionally, but he had felt more disconnected than ever from him since the move to Walford. He had his own life, with Afia, and he was smart enough to know that the way to an easy life with his parents was to keep his head down and not rock the boat. Tamwar would carry on the family tradition and work in the restaurant business, and then he would make their parents proud by providing them with the obligatory grandchildren. He only had one photograph of his family, the only one he had kept with him, safe in the locked drawer of his bedside table. They were on holiday, enjoying a day at the beach in Kenya. His father had asked a passer-by to take the photo and the four of them had gathered round him, joyful smiles etched on their faces and the cool breeze blowing their hair in all directions. When he looked at his mother in the photograph, he saw the woman who used to hold him tightly when he cried, and who would tend to his grazed knees when he fell over. He wondered what she would see if she was to look at the photograph. Her weak husband, whose gay son she bore, her once golden boy who had been unable to resist his sins, her disobedient daughter who had run away to Pakistan rather than stay at home with the family, and her youngest son, who had been promoted by default to the position of the most favoured child?

"I'm going to get ready, Syed". Daniel's voice broke through his distraction and Syed nodded his head solemnly in his direction. As Daniel pulled himself off the sofa and walked towards the bathroom, Syed watched him regretfully. He had acted out a lie for most of his life. Family and social pressure, combined with a need not to be seen as anything other than heterosexual, had prevented him from living for years. Surviving, existing but not ever _living_. He was in a different falsehood this time, but the same feeling of shame lingered in his mind.

"I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you", Daniel had once told him, "I think I'd kill myself". If Daniel was ever true to his word…

Syed's stomach clenched, as unease gripped at his insides.

XXXX

Syed had been in the bathroom for the past twenty minutes, unusually preoccupied with trying to tame his wavy hair. No matter what he did, the dark brown curls wouldn't lie flat. Finally conceding defeat, his hair, to his dismay, still looking like the hair of someone who did not own a hairbrush, Syed pulled open the bathroom door and stepped out.

"We are only going next door for dinner, Syed, why the effort?" Daniel pointed out coolly, frowning faintly at the sight of Syed in a new white close-fitting shirt and jeans.

Syed's face flushed red. Suddenly self-conscious, he mumbled something about changing his clothes. Cutting him off with the casual wave of his hand, Daniel walked towards him. Keeping his cold eyes fixed firmly on Syed, he moved his hand up to his cheek. His long finger softly ghosted Syed's reddened face.

"You're wearing the watch", Daniel observed, his penetrating eyes indicating his approval. Syed nodded faintly, his body stiffened, as he concentrated his mind on resisting his instinct to push him away and run out of the flat, not stopping until he was physically unable to move any further.

"We should go", Syed uttered, weakly, removing Daniel's finger from his cheek.

XXXX

"Welcome to our humble home", Christian greeted them warmly, standing aside as they walked into the flat. From the exterior, the two flats were not much different, but once you had stepped inside, they were poles apart. James and Christian's flat was minimalist in décor and furnishings. A comfy, white sofa took centre stage in the living area, and the cream coloured walls were adorned with homoerotic art and an enormous mirror.

"Hey Christian", Syed replied, a shy half-smile on his face. Christian glanced momentarily at Daniel, who nodded his head in acknowledgment, before resting his intense green eyes upon Syed. Christian's eyes flickered faintly before he pulled them away and focused on James, who was walking into the hallway, holding a bottle of wine.

"Hello", James welcomed them cheerfully. Syed was sure his smile looked rather more strained than usual. Maybe he and Christian had had an argument, Syed mused. He instantly admonished himself for thinking it, but by then a new thought was occupying his attention. What if they had argued over him? What if James had become suspicious as a result of the conversation between him and Christian last night? Is that why his smile seemed so strained tonight? What if James saw something and doubted his intentions towards Christian? He would have told Christian, and Christian would have reassured him that he was merely a friend and a neighbour. His stomach clenched with guilt and he felt sick. He had become so distracted that he hadn't realised Christian had already asked him three times what he wanted to drink.

"Um, water, please", he uttered, vaguely. It was then that it dawned on him how overdressed he was, compared to the others, who were all wearing the epitome of casual clothing. Syed's insides twisted with embarrassment. Nobody else had gone out specifically to buy new clothes. To everyone else, it was just a casual dinner with friends. Nobody else was pathetically trying to attract anyone's attention tonight, he realised unhappily as he and Daniel followed James into the living area.

Christian soon returned with the drinks and they stood, indulging in stilted light-hearted conversation, laughing, and joking, whilst James retreated back into the kitchen to finish the desert. Syed laughed vociferously as Christian told a particularly rude joke but was soon silenced by Daniel's disapproving frown. An uncomfortable silence descended on the room and it was a relief when James announced that it was time for dinner.

XXXX

"I've had some terrible jobs. Cooking fish in my brother-in-law's chip shop, wearing a silly hat and apron, probably ranks as the lowest of the low", Christian told them as they began to eat the two-course Italian meal that James had spent an hour preparing whilst Christian was in the bath. "I left school at 16 with barely any qualifications. It took me years before I decided I wanted to be a personal trainer"

"He's brilliant at it though", James chipped in, proudly holding his hand out to Christian, who hesitated slightly before accepting it. Syed shifted uneasily in his seat, stealing a glance at James, whose pale face was inscrutable. His eyes flicked towards Christian, who had become distracted with his attempt to twist the spaghetti onto his fork and get it into his mouth. He watched fixatedly as Christian lifted the fork to his lips, and placed it in his mouth. Syed looked away and reached for some water, the cool liquid refreshing him.

XXXX

The two couples sat at the table drinking wine. Christian had specifically brought Syed a non-alcoholic wine, after which Syed had mentally laughed at himself for reading more in to it than Christian merely wanting to be a considerate host. The conversation soon turned to Syed's massage business and his ambitious plans to expand.

"I really want to get bigger premises. It's just me and Adele working there right now, and with more massage rooms, we can attract more clients. The business could really take off if I put the work in", Syed explained enthusiastically. He had built _Buffs_ from scratch after he had qualified as a masseur, and his vision was to expand the business even further and open up in other locations around the city.

"And spend less time at home with me? It's a stupid idea, a ridiculous fantasy" Daniel snapped, pouring himself another glass of wine. It slopped onto the white table cloth but he took no notice, his disapproving eyes fixed firmly on his boyfriend.

Syed's face flushed with embarrassment, and he took a mouthful of water to hide his hurt.

"I think it's a brilliant idea. You should go for it", Christian contended, frowning faintly.

Daniel spun round to face Christian, his eyes ablaze with irritation and resentment.

"Don't tell my boyfriend what to do". Daniel's voice was cold and laced with hostility.

Christian stiffened in his seat slightly, an expression of incredulity on his face. "I wasn't telling him anything", Christian replied coolly. "I was just being supportive". Syed watched in silence as Christian refused to look away. Daniel's eyes flickered momentarily at the act of defiance, before he furiously pushed his chair back, the strength of his movement sending a bottle of wine smashing to the floor, its blood-red contents soaking the carpet beneath it.

James grimaced at the sight of the wine-stained white carpet but Christian was paying him no attention, his intense eyes watching Daniel and Syed, who wanted nothing more than to disappear. He had never felt so uncomfortable.

"We're going home, Syed", Daniel instructed, pulling at Syed's arm. Syed sat motionless, unable to move. What was supposed to have been an enjoyable dinner with friends had turned into a night of embarrassment and enmity.

"Fine, stay here then. See if I care", Daniel snapped coldly, dropping Syed's arm and storming out of the flat, the door slamming loudly behind his retreating back.

"I'm sorry", Syed cried, pushing the chair back and running out of the flat, not stopping until a stitch in his side forced him to stop.

XXXX

Syed sat alone. The unspoilt stillness of silence was the perfect backdrop to letting your mind delve into those hidden parts that were kept securely locked up during the busy day. Daniel had humiliated him in front of his friends, in front of _Christian_.

He was exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally, he had nothing left to give. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the flat, pack up all his belongings and go back home, back to his family. A whispered voice stabbed at his conscience. _Daniel's mother_. He couldn't just leave. The whispers, the accusations, the judgements…everywhere he went, they would follow. Only an extremely selfish person does that, the anonymous whispering strangers would conclude, before crudely labelling him as a disappointment to society. He wanted to cry with frustration and despair, but no sound would come. He lay, curled on the sofa, hoping sleep would welcome him in its arms and take him away from this existence, if only for a few hours.

"Syed?" a voice called out, curiously.

"Christian? What are you doing here?" Syed asked, shock etched on his tear-streaked face. He hadn't expected anyone to come here, least of all Christian.

"I came to see if you were alright", he replied, closing the door and walking towards him. He stopped a few metres away, reluctant to invade Syed's personal space any further.

"I'm fine", Syed answered quickly, turning away from Christian.

"I'm sorry if I upset you earlier. I didn't mean to", Christian apologised, his voice was a gentle whisper and it comforted Syed. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

"You didn't"

Christian edged closer to the sofa, but still made no move to sit down.

"You're lucky, you know. I wish I had my own premises. My place of work is the street…" he trailed off, catching Syed's eye. "Do you mind if I sit down? I've walked for miles today. You'd think a personal trainer would be better at that sort of thing, but not when it involves screaming brats running around the supermarket, people running you over with their trolleys and then deciding, after bumping into their long-lost niece, aunt, or other random family member, to congregate at the end of the aisles and engage in a tedious conversation about cousin Peter's wedding to the local bitch"

Syed laughed sadly and nodded his head, moving over to allow Christian to sit down. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Christian spoke.

"Are you okay Syed?" Christian uttered, concern etched on his handsome face.

"I should go home", Syed mumbled. He moved to stand up but Christian grabbed his hand.

"You don't have to go, Syed. Stay. Talk to me", Christian implored, his eyes searching Syed's distressed face.

"I don't want to but I feel like I should"

"Stay"


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks for the reviews. Sorry for the wait in updating. Oh, and I decided to change the title of the story. I hope you like the chapter and I would really appreciate a review. Thanks.**

**Chapter 12**

_A week ago…_

_They lay breathless, Syed's head resting on his sweat soaked chest. Silently, he played with Syed's damp hair, pushing it gently out of his eyes. "Hey", he whispered, his wet plump lips ghosting Syed's ear. "You okay?"_

"_I feel amazing. Thank you", Syed replied, sighing contently._

_He laughed, gently snaking his hand up Syed's leg, stopping just before he reached his destination. Syed's breath catches in his throat as he feels his soft hand wrap around his sensitive cock._

"_Make love to me, Christian"_

"_Again?" he teased playfully. A smile danced on his lips as he began to stroke Syed's cock firmly._

"_Yes", he moaned wantonly. "I need you"_

_His smile fading… their eyes connecting…he moved away, reaching over towards the bedside table._

_Syed groaned from the loss of contact. "Hurry up", he urged him, frowning slightly when he sees the silver foil in his hand._

_Syed shook his head. "No. I don't want that. I want to feel you, all of you"_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Make love to me, Christian"_

"Wake up", Daniel snapped irritably, as he got out of bed. "You promised we'd spend the day together"

XXXX

"I don't know", Syed hesitated.

Throughout his life, Syed had always felt like his feelings didn't matter. He had been the eldest son, the eldest brother and the decent Muslim boy who would one day take a beautiful wife and start a family. The family would be the fulfilment of his mother's dreams. At last, she would achieve her greatest desire. If people could see what she had accomplished - the handsome eldest son, the beautiful grandchildren - it would somehow make them forget. Through Syed she would erase her own sins and be that respectable Muslim woman once more. They wouldn't look at her and see the shamed wife and daughter who fled her homeland in disgrace. They'd see the proud wife, mother and grandmother of a respectable Muslim family.

The news that her hope for redemption was gay had been a devastating blow to Syed's mother. For weeks, she wept, refusing to acknowledge what Syed had told her. Her dream broken and in pieces, she retreated behind the beliefs that had once confined her to her own life of unhappiness and despair. There was a time when she had proudly told everyone in the community that her eldest son had achieved A's in all his GCSE's (he didn't), but now, she would barely mention him at all. If anybody in the community asked after her handsome son, she would retreat, mumbling that he was "terribly busy at work and couldn't make it".

"You look like you really need to talk to someone, Syed", Christian pointed out sympathetically. "Is it Daniel?"

Syed's insides froze with the mention of his name. He wondered what he was doing at this very moment. No doubt he would be furious at him for defying him in front of their friends. He felt nauseous, the fear gripping his insides like a vice.

"It's been difficult lately", he mumbled vaguely, avoiding Christian's eyes and seeking solace in staring at the cracks in the white painted ceiling.

"What has?"

Syed shifted uncomfortably on the sofa but didn't reply.

"Please Syed, talk to me. We've been friends for months. I...li...care about you…" he trailed off quietly, looking down at his hands.

"I can't…Daniel…" The thought of being emotionally intimate with someone other than Daniel terrified him. Irrespective of how he treated him, Syed, at least, felt accepted by him. He was wanted. Daniel had _chosen him_, he could have picked any man from the bar that night but he had picked _him_. Through all the bad times, he had clung onto that thought like a lifeboat, trying to save himself from the choppy sea waters that were threatening to drown him.

"You deserve to be with someone who will take care of you, appreciate you, and support you in everything that you do…" he stopped, chewing his bottom lip anxiously, as if he thought he had said too much.

"It's not that simple"

"Why isn't it? Relationships shouldn't be an inconvenience or a chore". The truth of that statement stabbed at Christian's conscience. Wasn't that how his relationship with James was being to feel like? The guilt twisted his insides but he pushed it away. He would speak to James later. For now, he knew he needed to be here with Syed. "Relationships should be about respect and loving that person so much that you would rather suffer yourself than hurt that person"

"I don't deserve-"

"Yes you do!" Christian insisted, startling Syed with the intensity of his voice. "I know it's hard to think you deserve respect when, for your whole life, you've been told you're not normal, when you've never really been accepted for who you are but, Syed, please listen to me, you don't deserve to be treated like that"

"Daniel will be waiting". Syed moved to stand up but he stopped, feeling a gentle hand on his arm. Trembling slightly at the contact, he dropped back down onto the sofa. Looking down, he noticed that Christian was still holding his arm. Realising what Syed was staring at, Christian hurriedly removed his hand.

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Christian broke through the awkwardness.

"Tell me about yourself"

"What?" Syed looked at him, puzzled.

"I want you to talk to me about yourself", Christian repeated slowly.

"Why?" Syed asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He didn't understand why anybody, let alone Christian, would want to listen to him talk about himself. He was uninteresting, he knew that. He didn't drink, he didn't take drugs and he had never felt comfortable going to nightclubs or bars. There were times when he wondered what Daniel had ever seen in him. He was nothing special. He didn't have an exceptional talent in anything, he wasn't good at sports (he hated football), and he wasn't particularly attractive either. Compared to most of the other men in Walford, he was a weed.

"Because I want you to understand and know what I know", Christian explained, making eye contact with Syed.

Syed's body tingled under his intense gaze. A shiver ran through his stomach, going lower, and lower. His eye's flickered down, as he attempted to regain his composure.

"And what's that?" Syed asked, his voice low and uneven, as the sensations continued to flood his body.

"I want you to know that you are a good person and that Daniel has no right to treat you the way he did tonight", Christian stated calmly, emphasising every word carefully.

"I don't think…I'm not very interesting-"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Christian interrupted, raising his voice slightly. Syed sensed it was not in frustration though, but in a deep desire to make him understand what he was trying to say.

"What? No", Syed muttered, focusing his eyes on the floor self-consciously.

"Then let me decide for myself who, or what, I find interesting, okay?" he told Syed firmly.

"Okay", Syed nodded in agreement. "Um, well, my family-"

"I want to know about _you_, Syed, not your family, _you_"

"Oh"

"Would it help if I did it too?"

"Did what?" Syed asked, confusion etched on his face.

"Talked to you about myself"

"Yes"

"I hope you're sitting comfortably because once I start, I find it very difficult to stop until I'm done". A half-smile curved on his lips at the innuendo.

Syed's face flushed red as his mind rushed with the visual imagery of Christian "not stopping until I'm done". Was he intentionally flirting with me? Syed thought suddenly, his body tingling with pleasure. No, he can't have been, he reasoned unhappily. He remembered despondently that the only people, apart from Daniel, who had ever flirted with him, had been drunk and not very nice.

"Okay", he mumbled faintly, willingly his body to calm down.

"Okay". Christian replied, offering Syed a comforting smile.

XXXX

"And now we move onto my disastrous love life". Syed squirmed on the sofa slightly, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. He felt awkward listening to Christian talk about James, or any of his former boyfriends, for that matter. It was unsafe territory and he was sure the conversation would veer off onto subjects Syed didn't want to talk about.

"My first few relationships, if you can call them that", he smiled wryly at the memories, "were complete disasters. I didn't respect them, and I certainly didn't respect myself. I was still in that 'young, free and wild' stage and I was determined to teach my mother a lesson-"

"Why?" Syed interrupted, confused.

"She couldn't accept the real me. She couldn't accept that I was never going to get married to a woman and provide her with grandchildren. You see, it was always about her. I wasn't good enough to be her son, so she pretended it wasn't happening. Well, one day, I decided to make sure she could never pretend again"

"What did you do?"

"I waited until her and dad had gone out for the evening, and then I invited a man round and…well, I think you can guess…you think badly of me, don't you?" he added, noticing Syed's shocked face.

"No, no. What happened?" Syed asked, listening intently.

"They walked in during the encore. I felt ashamed, I did, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something to make her understand that this was who I was. She still couldn't accept me though so I left"

"You left home?" Syed's brown eyes opened wide in surprise as he stared at Christian, mesmerised by his words.

"Yes. 17 years old and I was on my own", Christian explained sadly, the once-repressed memories flooding his mind.

"What about your sister? Couldn't you stay with her?"

Syed had never really spoken to Christian's sister before, but from a distance, she had seemed friendly enough, although she would always have a frown on her face whenever her husband, Ian, was in close proximity. Together they owned the local café, but Syed had barely ever gone inside. Daniel always expected Syed to go home for lunch, whether he was at work or not.

"She was married and had her own life. Besides, she didn't approve of my methods. The first thing I did was go to see her and she ranted at me. Mum had obviously been on the phone berating me to her. So I just walked out in the end. My sister had always very much been my mother's daughter"

"You just walked away from your family like that?"

"Why so surprised? I had no choice. I wasn't prepared to be around people who treated me like a piece of shit. If they wouldn't respect me, then I wanted nothing to do with them"

"But you talk to them now? What changed?"

"My mother finally had to accept, after years of hearing in the gossip circles, about my various new boyfriends, that I was never going to be the son she wanted, that she would never see me get married and have children. When she accepted the truth, she was finally able to have a relationship with me again"

Nodding his head slowly in acknowledgement of Christian's words, Syed looked into his face, their eyes connecting. For the first time in his life, Syed realised that his feelings did matter, that he, Syed Masood, was not just a son, a brother, a Muslim man. He was so much more than that. He deserved so much more than that.

"Now it's your turn"

"It's late-"

"I've just told you my life story. Now it's your turn. Come on", he said playfully, nudging Syed's leg with his knee.

"Where do I start?"

"Tell me why you decided to become a masseur"

"Um, okay. Well, I never planned to do it. It just sort of happened really. I had a friend at college who was doing a beauty course and he wanted somebody to practice on so I offered-"

"Are you sure he wasn't just trying to get his hands all over you, Sy"? Christian asked, a playful smile dancing on his lips.

Syed frowned slightly but returned the smile when he realised Christian was laughing. "He wasn't my type", he uttered dryly.

"So, what is your type then?"

Syed bit his bottom lip awkwardly. "I don't really have a type", Syed mumbled shyly, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

"You must have. For me, it's the eyes", he confessed, momentarily making eye contact with Syed before looking away uncomfortably. "James has nice eyes. They're a similar colour to yours. I just noticed", Christian quickly explained when he saw the look on Syed's face.

"Oh"

"Anyway you were telling me about becoming a masseur"

"Well, um, my friend told me about the massage courses at the college. I wanted to do something different. I had to keep it secret from my family though. They found out soon enough though, and predictably, my mother went mental"

"What happened?"

"My sister told her", Syed smiled unhappily at the memory. "We'd had an argument and she told my mother. She shouted at me for hours, forced me to stop going. I was only allowed to do "respectable courses like Maths, History and English", Syed explained, mimicking his mother's voice.

"I'm sorry Syed"

"It's okay. As soon as I could, I completed my training. I didn't want to be an accountant, or a lawyer, or an estate agent. I wanted to be me. My mother always hated it though. She'd frown whenever I spoke about it. It was something she couldn't brag about to the community. She didn't want anyone knowing her eldest son massaged half-naked people". Syed attempted a half-smile to hide his pain, but Christian shook his head silently, compassion etched on his handsome face.

"It's not okay, is it?"

"I just miss her…them…so much. They're my family, Christian. I just want them to love me for me", Syed cried, as a single tear ran down his face.

"Come here", Christian told him, reaching out to put his arms around Syed. The tears flowing freely now, Syed made no attempt to stop them.

XXXX

"I'm sorry", Syed uttered, embarrassed. He had exposed himself emotionally to Christian for the first time and he felt more vulnerable than ever. He was bare and unprotected. In Christian's arms, he had felt himself fall like a stone. It can't be love, he had reasoned, they hadn't even kissed, but being held in his arms, he felt like the most important person in the world.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you for the reviews. This is a shorter chapter which concentrates on Christian's p.o.v. **

**Chapter 13**

Walking back to the flat, Christian felt more confused than ever. He had left Syed alone and emotionally broken whilst he went home to put a plaster over his own wounded relationship. He loved James, he truthfully did, but he couldn't stop thinking about Syed. Every part of his body was pulling him back towards _Buffs_, the line between friendship and something more had become inescapably blurred, leaving Christian feeling powerless to the attraction and unable to understand how this had happened.

He was Christian Clarke, loud, extroverted and drank like a fish. He was Syed Masood, shy, reserved and a non-drinker. It didn't make sense yet it didn't feel wrong. Perhaps this was another one of those things that just happened; there could be no explanation, no logic. It was what it was – something that must be overcome or hidden behind the self-confident persona of Christian Clarke, party animal, best friend to Roxy Mitchell and boyfriend to James Allen. He couldn't allow himself to be Christian Clarke, the man who desired the quiet Muslim man next door.

And then there was James, his best friend since childhood and his first serious boyfriend. He loved him; he was kind, attractive and fun to be around, yet, even during their most intimate moments, Christian's mind was consumed with thoughts of another man. Every time he looked into his eyes, the guilt crushed him like a stone, leaving him feeling broken and unworthy. James had done nothing to deserve his secret betrayal.

XXXX

He had left James watching television alone. It was 11pm and Christian knew he had probably gone to bed, fed-up, and having silently cursed him for his disappearing act. As quietly as he could, Christian scraped the key in the lock, silently slipping inside the flat, before closing the door behind him. He was surprised to see James still sitting where he had left him, the noise of the television now muted.

"Hello", James uttered coolly, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the soundless television screen.

"I'm really sorry", Christian replied apologetically.

"I don't mind Jane phoning to say she needs to talk to you urgently, but you could have told her that you would speak to her tomorrow. What's so important that you have to rush out at this time of night to see her?" James snapped crossly, his arms folded defensively.

Christian shifted uncomfortably where he stood, the shame-fuelled feelings flooding his body. "It was Ian", Christian mumbled hurriedly, hating himself for the lie. "She needed to talk. I'm sorry", he added quickly, his face twitching anxiously. He momentarily moved to sit down next to James, but, thinking he should keep his distance, he ended up awkwardly perched on the arm of the sofa. "I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't important", Christian offered eventually, trying to break the icy atmosphere between them.

"Whatever", James grunted sourly. "I'm going to bed". He moved to stand up, eying the wine-stained carpet bitterly.

"Don't", Christian uttered quietly as he grabbed his hand, the guilt twisting his insides. "I'll make it up to you, we'll spend the evening together tomorrow, just the two of us"

"As long as Jane doesn't decide she needs to talk to you, yeah?" James retorted, sarcastically, pulling his hand out of Christian's grip. "Or you invite our next door neighbours round for dinner-".

"I thought you liked Syed and Daniel", Christian interrupted, puzzled at the harsh tone in James' voice.

"I do. I just wanted to spend the evening with my boyfriend…alone", he replied, emphasizing the last word pointedly.

"Oh". Christian realised, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'm going to bed". He moved to stand up and this time Christian let him, his hand remaining firmly by his side. "Are you coming with me, or not?"

XXXX

Checking to see that James was still in the bathroom brushing his teeth, Christian pulled out his phone from the pocket of his jeans and hurriedly typed out a text message.

'_I hope you're okay Sy. If you need me, I'm here. C x'_

He quickly stuffed the phone back into the pocket when he heard footsteps approaching.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for not updating in a while. I've been really busy and I wasn't feeling in the mood to write Chryed due to the fact I have not been in the Chryed mood (due to lack of screen time and storylines that do not inspire me). However I have decided to try and finish this story as I did enjoy writing it. **

**This is just a short chapter to get me back into the swing of things again.**

**Chapter 14**

Syed felt sick. As he walked back home, he could feel the nausea rise in his throat. Aching for some relief, he made himself vomit into the nearest bin. He wanted to go home, not to Daniel and their flat, but home, back to his family. He was so confused. After Christian had left, he had realised that he didn't just _like_ Christian; he was _in love_ with him. He sat down on the wooden bench by the playground, wishing that he had met Christian first. Wishing that James didn't exist, wishing that Daniel would leave him.

Syed's phone vibrated and a message popped up on the screen.

'_Goodbye Syed. I wish things could have been different. For what I'm about to do, don't blame yourself'_

Syed's insides froze. No, he can't have. No, oh please no. Scrambling to his feet, Syed ran as fast as he could in the direction of their flat. His breathing was heavy and he felt unsteady on his feet but he didn't care. He had to get home. Daniel's past words pierced into his skull like nails.

"_I think I'd kill myself"_

Arriving at the flat he quickly unlocked the door and ran inside, praying that he wasn't too late.

"Daniel! Daniel!" Syed screamed, frantically trying to locate him. "Daniel! Daniel!"

He ran into the bedroom, the bathroom, and the spare room, desperately searching. There was no sign of Daniel.

Pulling out his phone, he dialled Daniel's number. No answer. He pressed redial. No answer. He tried again and again. No answer. Exhaustion and terror eventually overwhelmed him and he collapsed onto the cold floor in tears.

XXXX

Syed had spent the entire night on the sofa by the phone, pleading, praying for it to ring and for Daniel's voice to be at the other end. The phone had not rung once.

Syed didn't know what to do. He felt so helpless and alone. He had wanted to call Daniel's parents, to ask if they had seen him, but his mum was ill, and he didn't have their phone number anyway. Daniel had deleted it from his phone weeks ago, saying that they had changed their number. It had only just occurred to him that Daniel had never told him their new number. Not that it mattered anyway. What would he have told them? That their son might be lying dead somewhere and it was all his fault…he had driven Daniel to hurt himself…he should have been more supportive…he should have gone home to talk to Daniel instead of talking to Christian…instead of feeling sorry for himself…

Syed's phone vibrated and he snatched it up off the table, willing it to be Daniel.

"Syed, it's me. I'm in hospital"


End file.
